you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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