why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize