this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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