You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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