i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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