What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize