she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All the doctor said was why
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
