That's when you crack a 10am beer
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
