Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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