one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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