There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
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