life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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