Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
