i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
