worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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