I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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