Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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