just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She bit a glass in half.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
