First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
