No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
