he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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