I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
