my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
