I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
