I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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