bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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