it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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