I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
