Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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