You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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