If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
