just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
