I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
