I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
