Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
