she was so not down for the gang bang
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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