I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
