Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
