I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
