Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
