i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
