I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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