i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
