My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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