Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
