i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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