Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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