Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
