My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
