Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
