M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
