this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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