just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
