those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
