If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
