Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
