You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
