She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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