I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
