I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
