Do you still have your period?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize