the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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