headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize