Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
