You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
