And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
