ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
