Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
