just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
