I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
