He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
