And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
