Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
