Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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