he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
